I think i sorta joined a cult last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
