god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
