Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
