In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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