How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
