so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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