my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
