fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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