I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you made out with another girl for some wings
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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