did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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