I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
