i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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