Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Randomize
