I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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