..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize