1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
