I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
