My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
