At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
