Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
two words: eviction party
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize