I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
