Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
