I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
