Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
