she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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