she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
