what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
