Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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