So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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