the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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