Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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