Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
