things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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