"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
