That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
