I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize