sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize