She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
