you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
