I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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