and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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