My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Randomize
