I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need to align my fucking chakras
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize