if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fuck appropriateness.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
