Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
