I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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