glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
two words: eviction party
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
