he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
