Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
