he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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