And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
