his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize