Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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