I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
