Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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