She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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