I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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