I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
