my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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