I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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