I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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