honey bunches of taint.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
