Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize