you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
