considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i have two assholes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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