I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
