there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your cock deserves a montage
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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