"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
