Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
