My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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