you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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